Stuck
by Lara-Van
Summary: Peter wonders what it would be like to be Sylar, so he shapeshifts... and gets stuck. Hilarity ensues. Crackfic, multichapter. This chapter: Daphne tries to be helpful, but a plot device gets in the way.
1. Stuck

**Title: Stuck**

**Author: Lara-Van**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Summary: Peter wonders what it would be like to be Sylar, so he shape-shifts... and gets stuck. **

**Warnings/Disclaimers: Spoilers up through Volume 5. Much cracky fun, which will probably involve some Peter-bashing (which is acceptable when I do it because Peter is my favorite character. I've earned the right to bash him occasionally). And I don't own Heroes, much though I wish it.**

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The sun was shining and the birds were singing, but Peter Petrelli was not happy. No, he was not happy at all. His brother was stalking him and leaving creepy messages on his voicemail. His mother continued to send him cakes with notes warning about terrible futures baked into them, for no apparent reason other than that she thought it was hilarious. His niece was avoiding him for some strange reason. His would-be girlfriend was completely ignoring his attempts to communicate via sign language. His partner was continually mocking him for not having a life outside the hospital. Life sucked. Was it any wonder he was avoiding it?

Peter just wanted to be somebody else. He wanted to be somebody cool. He wanted to be somebody everybody respected. He wanted to be... Sylar.

Wait, where did that thought come from? Why would he want to be Sylar?

But he knew the answer to that question. Sylar was cool. Sylar was respected. Sylar was feared. Nobody made fun of Sylar's hair.

So that was that. Peter was going to be Sylar today. He was glad he had the power of shape-shifting. He closed his eyes and grimaced in pain as his face bubbled. When he opened his eyes, he was Sylar.

Peter put on a leather jacket, in order to enhance the appearance of badass-ness that being Sylar had given him. And he walked out the door.

His mother was standing outside. On seeing him, she screamed loudly and ran in the opposite direction. "Mom, wait, it's me!" Peter yelled, attempting to shift back into himself. But he suddenly realized that... he couldn't.

Peter was stuck as Sylar.

Uh-oh.

_TBC..._


	2. The Flashback Contradiction

**A Note From Lara:** It's about time I got this updated. Sorry, guys. Anyway, as you can tell, I'm basically using this to parody everything ever done to or by Sylar. AND Peter, for that matter.

* * *

This was sooooo not good.

_How did this even _happen_, anyway? _Peter wondered as he stared at his heavily-eyebrowed face in the mirror. How had he gotten stuck? As SYLAR? After all, he'd always had perfect control of his powers!

(Flashback)

"I took his power Nathan," Peter gasped. "I can't control it!"

(End flashback)

Okay, maybe not. But still! Shapeshifting wasn't the same thing. Shapeshifting was _easy_. Much like Simone.

Wait... what? That _so_ wasn't Peter's thought! Where had that come from? Was it possible that, now that he was Sylar, he was starting to think like Sylar?

It didn't really matter. What mattered was that he was stuck, and he seriously needed help. Now. But who could he call to help him? Well, that was obvious! There was one person that Peter could always count on to help him in a crisis... his brother Nathan, who had always supported him and been there through thick and thin.

(Flashback)

"I'm telling you buddy, I think I can fly!"

Nathan groaned. "I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that."

(End flashback)

(Flashback)

Nathan tapped on the microphone. "Sorry about the weather, blah blah blah some clever joke to help bring me closer to the populace blah blah blah some bullshit about my father which turned out to be a lie because both my parents are manipulative psychos blah blah blah my brother Peter is crazy and has depression problems."

Peter glared, then walked out of the room.

(End flashback)

(Flashback)

"Nathan threw paint over it," Simone said, pointing to the painting of Peter lying dead on the ground. "He said he was trying to save you or whatever."

(End flashback)

(Flashback)

"I know it's a lot to take in, but I'm not the bomb, Sylar is," Peter explained. "I need you to help me."

Nathan snorted. "Why would I do that? We can't stop this stupid bomb so we might as well let the city go nuclear."

"..."

(End flashback)

Alright, so, yeah, again, maybe not. But still. Nathan would know what to do. Nathan always knew exactly the right thing to do.

(Flashback)

"Mr. President, my brother and his friends are super-powered terrorists determined to destroy the free world. We must stop them using whatever means necessary, even though I'm totally betraying my own kind here and I'm a total hypocrite for even thinking this is a good idea."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Senator Petrelli. Let's give you a SWAT team headed by a psycho racist-type to work under you!"

(End flashback)

"GAH!" Peter screamed at his Sylar-like reflection. "STOPPIT!!!!"

Then he paused. "Oh my god, I'm talking to my reflection," he whispered. "I'm turning into... NIKI-JESSICA!!!! OH NOES!!!!!!" Then he grinned. "Oh well. Another good reason to visit Nathan..."


	3. Brotherly Love? Not so much

**A Note From Lara:** Okay, so I'm planning on a chapter for each main character after this, but that could change if I get bored, or if somebody else has a much better suggestion. So that's that. I'm open to suggestions that may be good enough to alter my plan for this thing.

* * *

If Peter had thought it was weird being Sylar, being Sylar with Niki(Jessica)'s long blonde hair was even weirder. It took him _forever_ to realize that he just wasn't going to be able to shift all the way back to being Sylar (because, well, as confusing as being a super-villain serial killer was, at least Sylar was the same gender!), and just hacked off the blonde tresses and dyed them as best he could with Kool-Aid.

So now he had spiky blue hair. Which, Peter couldn't help but think, sort of defeated his whole purpose in becoming Sylar in the first place. How people referred to Peter's usual hair was _nothing_ compared to what they'd do when they saw this.

Which was why he was wearing a baseball cap in addition to his super-cool Sylar-style trenchcoat as he walked into Nathan's office. "Uh... hi Nate," he said uncomfortably.

The older Petrelli glanced up from his paperwork. And screamed. "WHO ARE YOU???" he demanded.

"Um, it's me, Peter. Listen, Nate, I know I look like--"

"WHY ARE YOU IMPERSONATING ME, YOU PSYCHOTIC CREEP!!" Nathan screamed.

Peter stared at him. "I'm not impersonating you, I'm impersonating--"

But all at once, Nathan's face rippled and there were TWO Sylars in the room- one with the normal jet-black hair and one with blue hair that smelled faintly of Burstin' Blue Raspberry.

Peter's- or make that Sylar's- jaw bounced off the floor. "Holy crap!" he screamed. "You're... you're SYLAR!!! OH MY GOD MY BROTHER IS SYLAR!!!" Suddenly, he stopped freaking out and broke the fourth wall. "Hang on guys," he called, "haven't we already done this plot twist? I thought you couldn't use the same one twice?"

"No, no way man," a voice called back from off-set. "Do you _know_ how many times we used the time-travel plot device?"

"Oh. Okay." Peter readjusted his baseball cap and got back in-character. "OH MY GOD MY BROTHER IS SYLAR!!!" he screamed. "I've got to get out of here!" Quickly he hurled himself out a window and soared away, crying in horror. Oh god, this was just too awful to be true! Oh well, he knew one person who would make him feel better about the horrible twist his life had just taken. Claire would know exactly what to do...

Meanwhile, back in the office, Candice Wilmer stopped pretending to be Nathan/Sylar. "Well," she said to Angela, "That was fun."

Angela, and the crew of Punk'd, nodded at her. "Yeah, I can't wait until this airs," she said. "We'll be able to reveal the truth about us to the whole world with the least possible fuss."

Candice frowned. "Doesn't that defeat the point of the Company?"

Angela waved an unconcerned hand. "Details, details," she said. "Now fetch me an onion bagel, dear."


	4. WTF Moment

**A Note From Lara:** I have no A/N, except to say that I'm basically parodying Sylaire as best I can in this chapter.

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Peter touched down in front of the sorority house he was pretty sure Claire was living in now. He walked inside, making a point to avoid the security cameras, because the last thing he needed was the FBI getting involved in this mess he had managed to drop himself into.

Each of the rooms had a plaque on the door listing the names of the girls living inside. He rapped gently on the one labeled "Claire and Gretch," but there was no answer. Using a little bit of telekinesis, he jimmied the lock and pushed the door open.

A few seconds later, he deeply wished he hadn't. Now, Peter had no problem with homosexuals, but seeing his favorite niece passionately kissing her roommate was just a little bit too much information.

"Uh... Claire?" he said hesitantly, politely covering his eyes with his hand until the soft moans fell silent.

For a moment, Claire just stared at him, face a little flushed from Gretchen's attentions. Then she shrieked unintelligibly at him. Peter wasn't sure what she'd said, since she'd said it in a range only dogs could hear, but he could have sworn it sounded like "OhmygodSylarSylarSylarSylarbaby!!!!"

Exactly three seconds later, she had launched herself at him and was showering him with less-than-chaste kisses. "Claire!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing? Why are you kissing me... er, Sylar? What about... uh... Gretchen?" He nodded in the direction of the confused-looking brunette.

His obvious confusion brought Claire to her senses. Or at least, she took a step back, but there was still a look of passionate longing in her eyes. "Oh Gabby, don't you remember what we promised each other in that suite in the capitol building?" she asked pleadingly. "You told me that you would never want to spend eternity with anybody else, that I was the only one for you. Way better than that electric whore who was more deeply involved in turning you into the man you are than I ever will be!"

Peter was torn between morbid curiosity and revulsion. "Claire, I'm not Sylar," he said gently. "I'm Peter."

Claire gasped. "Oh baby, what have they done to you?" she demanded, throwing her arms around him. "Sylar, you're the only person who's never lied to me! I can't survive without you to complete me! Tell me, what did they do to you to make you think you're Peter? Let me help you. Let me fix you like you fixed me!"

He stared at her. "Uh, Claire, Sylar was the one who _broke_ you, remember? He assaulted you and sliced your head open and essentially brain-raped you! Because of him you can't feel pain!"

"Yes, but you were the one who showed me the person I could be! You unlocked my true potential as a murderess and a twisted vigilante of the future! I have committed so many wrongs all out of my longing for you!" Claire insisted, completely ignoring the goggle-eyed Gretchen who was trying to get her attention by tugging on her hand.

"..."

Peter vacated the premises quickly before he could get any more confused/grossed-out than he already was.


	5. Hiroics

**A/N:** Don't actually have one. I AM trying to have Sylar!Peter interact with as many of the Heroes as possible (not to mention parodying the many Sylar ships out there), so if you have any particular suggestions, let me know! And sorry this is such a short chapter, but that's just how it goes sometimes.

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Peter was sure he knew who would help him. Hiro was the greatest hero he knew... pun intended. Peter loved puns. You could always count on a good pun to make you feel better when life was bringing you down.

What was he talking about?

Oh yeah. Hiro. Hiro would help him. His fellow hero would never turn down a friend in need. Would he? Because sometimes Hiro could be a little selective about who he thought deserved saving. He was too into this whole good-is-good-and-evil-is-evil thing. There was no middle ground. Actually, maybe this was a bad idea. After all, every time Hiro and Sylar were in the same room together, bad things happened to one of them.

Except, Peter wasn't really Sylar. So it was all okay.

After a few seconds of standing outside of Hiro's office, he opened the door.

He promptly closed the door.

Claire and her roommate had been bad enough. He didn't even _want_ to know what Hiro was doing with Adam and Ando.

At that moment, Hiro appeared, fully clothed, in front of him. Clearly the other man had stopped time in order to confront him. "SYLAR!" he screamed. "I WILL DEFEAT YOU! IT IS MY DESTINY!" He whirled his katana over his head and brought it swooshing down towards Sylar-who-was-really-Peter.

Peter-who-was-getting-very-tired-of-unhelpful-people chose to teleport away rather than deal with any more Hiroics.

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**A/N2:** Just as a warning, I do have a _semi_-serious shippy ending to this fic planned, just because I can't resist. I promise it won't be anything too sappy or whatever. Just little hints dropped in amongst the cracky stuff. It's just a question of who it's going to be, so it's up to a vote. Daphne or Emma, your pick. Personally, I'm leaning towards Daphne because she just doesn't get enough attention on this site, but I'm now a die-hard Pemma shipper as well, so I can't be unbiased.


	6. Ego Plus Libido Is A Bad Thing

**A Note From Lara:** HEROES IS COMING BACK ON MONDAY!!! YOU GUYZ EXCITED??? (don't ask why a 'z' and not an 's.' I just like 'z' better, I guess) This chapter is dedicated to Gamebird, who presented the idea to me. It's not the funniest chapter, but there it is. Hopefully future ones will be better.

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Peter opened his eyes to discover where he'd ended up.

Peter closed his eyes because he wished he didn't know where he'd ended up. Sylar's apartment was not an ideal place to be when you were... well... Sylar. Or at least, looked like him.

"Well _hello_ there," a masculine voice purred from somewhere behind him. "Who is this handsome stranger?"

He turned around and saw Sylar standing behind him, smirking. "S-sylar," he stuttered. "I-I can explain. I'm really sorry I'm in your body and all, but see, there was this shape-shifting issue and I can't quite figure out how to--"

"Shh," Sylar whispered, before stepping forward and pressing his lips to Peter's. Or, rather, his own.

Peter leapt back. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" he demanded.

Sylar grinned wolfishly. "Well, you see, awhile back, I met this illusionist who offered to fulfill any of my fantasies. She gave me some options. I was one of them. Ever since, I've been very intrigued by the possibility. After all, who knows what I like better than me?"

"ACK! MENTAL IMAGES!!" Peter screamed, curling up into a fetal position.

When he realized that rocking back and forth crying wasn't going to make a difference to Sylar, he stood up, staring defiantly at the other man. "You are so lucky," he said sincerely. The serial-killer looked at him strangely. "No, I mean it. You are so lucky! Everywhere I've gone all day, people have been throwing themselves at me because I look like you, whereas on a normal day, I can't get a date to save my life!"

Sylar suddenly felt much better about his crappy life. "Really?"

"Yes, really."

(Flashback)

"Why me, why now?" Emma asked.

Peter shrugged. "That I don't know. Maybe we could have lunch sometime, figure it out."

Emma stood up and marched away indignantly.

(End flashback)

Sylar smirked. "Aw, well now that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy... C'MERE, YOU!!"

He launched himself at Peter, but Peter stopped time, dodged him, and walked over to the door. He restarted time for a moment and waited while Sylar crashed into a glass-fronted cabinet, then stood up and turned around to face him. "Sylar?"

"Yes?"

"I will defeat you, someday."

"Sure, whatever. But if you ever come here in my body again, you won't like what happens... but I will."

He licked his lips, and Peter went white from fear and more than a little nausea. He froze time again and sprinted out of the apartment, down the road past the frozen cars and silent people until he reached Washington Square Park. There, he dropped onto a park bench and sat there, trying to stop himself from crying. How had he gotten into this mess? All he wanted was for people to stop mocking his hair!! Why couldn't he shapeshift back?

Suddenly, amid the silence of the frozen world, Peter heard footsteps and looked up...


	7. The Writers Of Heroes Are Obviously High

**A Note From Lara:** Hey, guess what? This chapter, somebody's gonna be _helpful_! I know, shocker! But it's not gonna go as neatly as planned, unfortunately. Thank you all for your awesome support!

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_Suddenly, amid the silence of the frozen world, Peter heard footsteps and looked up..._

A woman with wildly spiked platinum blonde hair approached him and dropped down next to him on the park bench.

"Daphne?" he asked, stunned.

She grinned. "In the flesh! How've you been, Peter?"

Peter glanced at himself, trying to see if he'd somehow shifted back, but no, he was definitely still Sylar. He looked up at Daphne in confusion. "Wh- How did you know I'm Peter?"

Daphne rolled her eyes. "Um, duh, you walk like Peter? That's something I pay attention to. Sylar walks a lot slower than you do. So tell me, why are you walking around looking like the Number One on America's Most Wanted?"

It was too much. Peter threw his arms around Daphne, sobbing, only a few random phrases audible amid the babble of noise he was emitting. "Shapeshift... I just wanted... fun of my hair! And then... Claire tried to... and Sylar, he..." Daphne stared at the hysterical empath in her arms and patted him awkwardly on the head.

"Um... there there?"

Peter sat up very suddenly, smiling brightly. "Sorry I spazzed," he said. "It's been a really bad day."

"I can tell."

"Anyway, now I have you here! You can help me figure out how to get my own body back!"

Daphne shrugged. "Okay, sure, whatever. I'll help you."

They stood up off the park bench. "Daphne, thank you," Peter said earnestly. "You're the first person who's actually been helpful. And... I'm sorry I didn't trust you, at first. You were the only person who cared when Sylar's son died in the future, you were the only person who cared when my father power-raped me, you were the one who rescued Hiro... you're a true hero, Daphne, and I was ready to dismiss you as just another villain."

She shrugged again, but it was obvious she was pleased. "Eh, it wasn't that big a deal. And really, it was all thanks to Matt. He's the only reason I became good."

Peter didn't believe that, but he let it go and restarted time. Suddenly, a bullet whizzed through the air and struck Daphne in the chest.

"Wh-what?" Peter gasped. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" He caught Daphne as she started to fall, lowering her gently to the pavement while casual passers-by screamed at the sight of the bleeding woman. "WHO DID THAT??"

Suddenly, a man wearing a baseball cap with a pencil stuck behind his ear and a script in his hand wandered past. "Oh, that would be me," the man said.

"Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm one of the writers of Heroes," the man replied. "We had to kill Daphne off, I'm afraid. Brea Grant's contract was up, and god knows there aren't any other ways of writing characters off a show."

Peter glowered at him. "Daphne was my last hope of getting my body back! Couldn't you have waited long enough for her to help me?"

The man glanced at his script. "Oop, now Peter, that's out-of-character for you! So selfish! Not typical. But then again, you're going through an emotional crisis."

"Aren't I always?"

Suddenly, something occurred to Peter. "Hang on, Daphne's so fast she can literally outrun time. How would she not see the bullet coming and dodge? She shouldn't even have been hit!"

The man shrugged. "Eh, well, details, details."

"SHE SHOULDN'T BE DEAD!! SHE WAS AWESOME!!" Peter screamed. The man staggered back a little bit.

"Whoa, there's no need to get defensive, young fella," he said sharply. "Hey, Tim, why _did_ we kill Daphne off?"

The voice of Tim Kring echoed from somewhere off-screen. "It's 'cause we needed a plot device for Matt. And their relationship wasn't tracking well because we did some really crappy writing for the start of it, so we had to nip that thing in the bud anyway."

The writer nodded and waved in the direction of the voice. "Oh. Okay." He turned back to Peter. "Sorry, Matt. I know it sucks that your girlfriend is dead, but--"

"I'M NOT MATT!" Peter shrieked. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?? SHE WAS A HUMAN BEING!!! JUST HAVE HER DUMP MATT AND GO ON AN EXTENDED VACATION!! SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO DIE AND YOU CAN STILL HAVE HER GUEST-STAR SOMETIMES!!"

The man suddenly got a thoughtful look on his face. "Ooh, hey, that's not a bad idea, Sylar." He turned and walked away, yelling, "Hey, Tim? How long can you wait before Claire's blood isn't a viable resuscitator?"

Peter stared down at the body of Daphne, tears coursing down his face. This was bad. Matt would be devastated. He would, he decided, inform the telepath himself.

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Got any ideas for the Matt vs. Peter-as-Sylar chapter? Because I'm stuck. (LOL)


End file.
